NOTE: Names and ages changed so my friends don’t get pissed that I share our personal conversations!
Buck’s party – a party held for a male before he enters into marriage to celebrate his last night of “freedom”.
There are so many things in this above description that I can just not identify with at this time in my life. Buck’s parties are not merely a ‘night out with mates’ for boys anymore, but rather full-blown trips to Vegas or Bali that can last up to three weeks. Last night of freedom? As far as I am concerned, a man had his last night of freedom the night before he asked a girl to be his girlfriend. The lines have somehow become so blurred along the way.
Of course the first thing I find when researching buck’s nights, is a website in Melbourne that is offering the ‘hottest’ strippers and activities, and spruiks a bunch of comments from ‘pleased’ previous attendants from these nights. Wait, why do you need the ‘hottest’ strippers when you are about to marry the woman you love?
See none of this really makes sense to a woman. If she is in love and about to get married she sure as hell isn’t thinking ‘oh shit, I have one night left. One night left to have some hot guy sweat all over me.’
Topless waitresses, girls jelly wrestling and even those particular strippers who will do more for more money, have been involved in stories I have been told about buck’s parties. The thing about that is, that is what I have been told – without the guys breaking any of their typical ‘what happens with the boys, stays with boys’ boy code. Kind of makes you wonder.
Some women spend all their energy fretting and panicking in the weeks leading up to a buck’s weekend. Other women spend the whole weekend trying to phone their partner and end up crying and becoming sick they are so hysterical. But is this a trust issue or how every girl feels?
Fiona, 26, is about to get married, but first (of course) comes the buck’s and hens parties. “I am going to the Gold Coast with friends and my bridesmaids. I want to go to Dreamland and to a shooting range, relax on the beach and obviously go out,” she said. “I wanted to do something a little more action packed, but no one was keen for paintball.”
On a little bit of a tangent, this point got me thinking about something I have always argued with my boyfriend about. My boyfriend is lovely don’t get me wrong. I am that girl who always ends up with the boys, on the boy’s trips and nights. He has never let me miss out on anything. But, there are girls who do miss out on great things because other boy’s girlfriends don’t do what they want to do. Snowboarding, wakeboarding, paintball or even just drinking beer and watching the footy (which I do every weekend with my boy) – most girls aren’t interested in these and therefore they all tend to turn into boys only events (come on girls, start doing cool shit – don’t be scared to get your hair wet).
“Jack’s (Fiona’s fiancé) friends were trying to organise a trip either to Vegas for a weekend or spend a week in New Zealand, snowboarding – both were the same price,” Fiona explains. “It was suppose to be a surprise from the boys for Jack, but when he was told, he decided that they should go to Thredbo to snowboard for a week, as it would be more enjoyable.”
“I think strippers are acceptable, but only if the guy wants one. Jack has insisted it’s a waste of money and to spend the money on alcohol instead,” she said.
Although not every woman agrees with strippers, we are at a time where I feel like girls just feel like they have to accept it, because they feel the boy will just do it anyway.
When asked if males get too wild on their buck’s nights Fiona said: “I think it’s an excuse for males to go overboard and do the things their future wife will never allow. None of them are Donald Trump or the actors from the Hangover, but they still take full advantage.”
So is it actually the groom or his friends making these extravagant plans? From everyone I interviewed, it was almost always the boys making the plans, not the buck.
For all those ladies that don’t agree too much with the modernised buck’s weekend there is perhaps a new change in the air. It seems that some boys (thank gosh) still do believe in a more traditional buck’s party as opposed to this wild holiday it has turned into. 29-year-old Matt, who is married, says: “I’m all for a buck’s night, but for me they should be about having fun with your close friends- who because they are your friends, should respect your wife to be.” What he told me next impressed me even more. “I can’t think of anything more disrespectful than getting the groomsman totally wasted, than paying a stripper to come and shove things in places only her husband to be needs to ever see.”
Matt goes on to explain that if a guy does not respect his fiancé enough to not have strippers or not spend his night looking at other naked women, than perhaps he isn’t fit to be your husband. He also says the same thing goes for the friends of the buck. If they can’t respect the bride and groom enough to understand this, than it is time for new friends.
Then there is 28-year-old Dan. Dan says he doesn’t really think that much of buck’s parties and that they are just another societal tick box – not unlike the marriage certificate that follows. Dan has been to a couple of buck’s parties and as a best man, has organised one too.
“It’s meant to involve fun, laughter, excitement and youthfulness. Yet equally it involves pressure, expectation and disappointment,” he said. “It’s a strange, confusing orgy of shitness really; men taking their one last opportunity to do things that they normally would never be allowed to do. It’s kind of sad isn’t it? That one must engage in a bunch of crass activities in order to feel like they’re ready to never do them again – for ‘as long as they shall live’.”
“Honestly, I think it’s a bit sad. Don’t get me wrong, they’re fun! It’s just a bit sad when you dig a little deeper,” he says. He explains how his buck’s party will definitely not involve strippers, jelly wrestling, hookers, dwarves, etc. “I don’t like the idea of validation from some dirty stripper who doesn’t really want to be there.”
It’s a nice feeling to know not all boys are the same. And what Matt and Dan say really makes sense. There is no point in going and spending a night with other women, right before you marry ‘the’ woman of your dreams. But even if your man has a stripper or topless waitress at his buck’s night, it seems like a guarantee that he was not the one who planned or wanted it. It is just a whole bullshit bunch of pressure.
Also, as a woman, don’t feel like you need to spend all your time choosing the colours of serviettes – plan something fun yourself. And plan it for a few days. If that’s what he gets to do, it seems only fair.
As for wet the baby’s head… that’s a whole other story, for another day.
chloeamandabailey 